CONFLICT

It’s a good idea to diminish or eliminate relationships that are filled with conflict.

Dealing with difficult people and maintaining ongoing negative relationships is actually detrimental to your health. Remember that you don't have to be close with everyone; just being polite goes a long way toward getting along and appropriately dealing with difficult people.

But what do you do if the person in question is a family member, or someone you otherwise can’t easily eliminate from your life? Try to look for the positive aspects of others, especially when dealing with family, and focus on them. That person will feel more appreciated, and is likely to enjoy your time together more.

Don’t look for affection from someone who isn’t able to give it or tell your secrets to a gossip. However, don’t pretend the other person’s negative traits don’t exist.

Avoid discussing personal issues like religion and politics, or issues likely to cause conflict. In dealing with difficult people, don’t try to change the other person; you will only get into a power struggle and invite criticism, or otherwise make things worse. It can also make you a more difficult person to deal with.

Remember that most relationship difficulties are due to a dynamic between two people rather than one person being unilaterally "bad." Try not to place blame on yourself or the other person for the negative interactions. The whole thing could just be a clash of personalities!

Know when it’s time to distance yourself, and do so. If the other person can’t be around you without causing disquiet, curtailing contact may be your only choice. Explain what needs to happen if there ever is to be a relationship, and let it go. If they’re continually abusive, it's best to cut ties and let them know why.

Change your response; this is all you have the power to change. If the other person tries to engage you in a discussion that will probably become an argument, change the subject or leave the room. If the other person chooses to treat you in an unacceptable way, you are entitled to use assertive communication to draw boundaries.

Work to maintain a sense of humour - tension will vanish more easily. Get your friendship or comfort from those who are able to meet your needs. Tell your secrets to a trustworthy friend who's a good listener and always rely on people who have proven themselves to be trustworthy and supportive.


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